I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
