He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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