He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
