I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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