Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
