Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's blow job season.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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