Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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