i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sorry about my life...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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