I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
