i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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