I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
