Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
