Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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