im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
