3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
