The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
