Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
