I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
