Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
