I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
