i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
