Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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