I cockslap morals
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
