i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
