How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize