Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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