I think I won the penis lottery.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
