Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
