I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
