we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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