I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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