My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
