I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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