I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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