u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
no you cant smoke seaweed
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
