My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
