You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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