Plan B is the new Plan A
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize