Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
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so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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