she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize