she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
