We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
