this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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