Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
