I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
