Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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