My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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