The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
