Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize