ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
our cab driver is having phone sex.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
