weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
