I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
