took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
