You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
