Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
