i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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