Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
