my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
