dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How does it feel to date your dad?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
