just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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