Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
