OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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