i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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