Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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