: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
