So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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