I want to have your abortion
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
