omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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