Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
