is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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