fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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