The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
