Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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