Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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