that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
