You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
