I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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