had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
