ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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