im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
