Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was born a porn star she said
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
