My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
