drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
